Oh, Mercy Me

Divine Mercy

Painting, "Divine Mercy" Michael O'Brian

It is Divine Mercy Sunday.

I don't know about you, but I need all the mercy I can get.  

For quite some time, I didn't pay much attention to this devotion.  It seemed goofy, in a way. Sorry, but it did. I sometimes shy away from things that I haven't fully looked into and/or fully understand. And also, frankly, the more sentimentalized  traditional imagery and ever more sentimentalized editions of this devotion didn't set well with me, or my oddball aesthetic.  I know, shallow perhaps, but there it is.  My reality.

Anyhow, but as I learn more about this devotion, I am learning about the simple beauty of it.  And I think it is what we all crave.  Mercy.  Just that.  Just a little mercy. 

To that end, the Church recognized today,  the first Sunday after Easter, as Divine Mercy Sunday.  Because Easter is ALL about Mercy, Divine Mercy.  If it is not about mercy, really, there is no real reason to even get out of bed.  But it is.  I know it, heart and soul. 

So today, I join in the prayer:

"....for the sake of His sorrowful passion, 

Have Mercy on us, and on the whole world."

Happy Easter...still easter....yay.....

**reposted from last year, because this says it for me**

Word of joy

It is an ancient tradition, this phrase in the liturgy.
But it's one that keeps rolling around  my head this morning, after the beautiful late vigil Mass last night...

Rubens, "The Resurrection of Christ"

"I announce to you a great joy: it is the Alleluia."

My Chris was telling me about this being part of the Easter Vigil last year at the Vatican too. It's not always a part of the liturgy, but the deacon brings this message to the Pope (or, in our case, our pastor) and then the bells start ringing and we sing the Alleluia once again, because today...today the news of great giddy joy IS The Alleluia!
He is risen indeed....

Michaelangelo's drawing, "The Resurrection of Christ"

Happy Joyful Glorious Easter! 

My favorite day of the year.

The Silence of Holy Saturday

Shhh.
Listen.
Be still.
I know...it's that day.
It's the day of the tomb.
Silent as a tomb....

Holy Saturday is a day of silence.

 painting Michael O'Brian

It is the tomb.
It is the day of grieving and being still, quiet for it...or mindful of it and trying to find that still silent spot inside; ever difficult in our modern days and my busy loud life.
This is the day when the tabernacles, across the world, are barren.
And the emptiness is visceral.
I feel it.
I think the world feels it.
I do.

Tonight is the vigil and the promise of the return of the light, Light itself.
But for today. 
It is the deposition, the tomb.

And the noise, it's a racket.  

My kids and the calling across the house a jangle of sound.

But even my kids, loud always, anticipating the joy and sugar of Easter tomorrow...they see the solemnity of this day, a little tiny bit.

The prayers are solemn, the see it, feel it, hear it as we pray through this day.

I crave to carve out some quieting time this day.  

I crave to go sit in adoration, but the tabernacle - it's empty. 

I feel the loss and out of sorts, even as I prep for tonight and tomorrow.  

It's so often a cranky fussy day, because exactly this out of alignment, the soul knows this marking and reacts with a squeezed ache.  

It is noisy in this silence, the noise of my children yes but the noise of my heart beating, looking for Him and thinking of her weeping this day.

It is a clanging silence....

So.  We wait.

How Can this Day be Good?

Detail of painting, Tissot

Good Friday.
High Holy Day.
The Passion of Christ.
Via Dolorosa.
Crucifixion.
Utter sorrow.
Fasting.
Veneration of the Cross.
Empty tabernacles.
Hungry, tired, hard, sad.

Really, horror.

Nikolaï Gay (1831-1894)

Unfathomable.
An unspeakable, truly, tough day.
Good, yes, but the hardest most unspeakable kind of good.

A mystery of good.

Painting by Tissot, "What Christ saw from the Cross"

But yes, glorious good; if unseen as such then, and sometimes now.
We wait.
*Reposted from several years ago*

A Different Night

"Why is this night different from any other night?"

It is Holy Thursday.
The first day of the Triduum.
It's also known as Maundy Thursday
But, no matter the term used, it's a high holy day, and it's one of the ones that is rich and complex and beautiful and difficult all at the same time.

(And, as an aside, everyone I know is kind of suffering all sorts of larger and smaller slings and arrows this week, escalating today.  Right.  Exactly. I guess that's how we know it's Holy Week and we get to participate in our own mini-wimpy-passion....because "we can't handle the truth" {to paraphrase Jack} of the real experience.  Just saying.....)

Sadao Watanabe print

Tonight the Mass remembers that special Passover supper, the last supper.  This is the supper of the institution of the Eucharist.  The disciples didn't even really realize what was going on...how typical, then, and now.  But, oh the beauty of it all.

  painting by Juan De (Vicente) Juanes (Masip).

So too, this night, Christ washed their feet, showing them how to be the servant of servants that they would be called to be...that we are called to be.  How often do I forget that one? Daily, how many times a day is the better question.

Sigh.  This is such a complex layered night.  I can't begin to do it justice.  The emotions range all over the map: from the quiet humbling of the washing of the feet, to the beauty of the institution of the eucharist, to the stripping of the altar and processing out that brings me to blinking away the tears.....It's a rigorous beautiful piercing night. For me, this night does begin the vigil...the vigil that doesn't end until the close of Saturday night's vigil Mass (finishing Sunday).   

"Why is this night different from any other night?"  
This is one of the Passover questions.  So too, it is our question, mine.
And these three days ahead, I get to ponder it and pray over it and grow my heart bigger to answer it well, or try.

There is also a long tradition of a late Holy Thursday night service, called Tenebrea that means, literally, "shadows" or "darkness."  This service is one of the hardest and most beautiful.  It starts in light and over the course of the service moves to darkness....because these are the three days of darkness and the greatest of suffering.  It ends with a cacophony of clapping wood.  It jangles and disturbs me deep inside, as it should, as it's meant to.  The Sisters of Carmel explain it well, go read the whole thing here, but below is a snip from it:

 

There is placed in the sanctuary, near the altar, a large triangular candlestick holding fifteen candles. At the end of each psalm or canticle, one of these fifteen candles is extinguished, but the one which is placed at the top of the triangle is left lighted. During the singing of the Benedictus (the Canticle of Zachary at the end of Lauds), six other candles on the altar are also put out. Then the master of ceremonies takes the lighted candle from the triangle and holds it upon the altar while the choir repeats the antiphon after the canticle, after which she hides it behind the altar during the recitation of the Christus antiphon and final prayer. As soon as this prayer is finished, a noise is made with the seats of the stalls in the choir, which continues until the candle is brought from behind the altar, and shows, by its light, that the Office of Tenebrae is over.

Wishing you a mindful and Blessed Triduum.

The Palms

Waking up today....this was rolling through my head.



Not exactly the Basilica where Buddybug and Booboo are this morning...But still, apropos of the day I suppose.

Notre Dame Basilica, ah, bliss.

 I would just like to point out that, yes, I am quite well aware of how this opening video dates me and reaffirms just how old I am.  Additionally, I would like to point out that this is one of the unspoken curses of growing up in the 70's (For the most part). This was formative stuff for me.  I know! It's a wonder I came back to the church at all, no? But, thanks be to God, I did and now I get to live with some scars: a wedding anniversary during lent (doh) and this song/video rolling through my mind as an earworm every single year on Palm Sunday.

But still, apropos of the day I suppose.
Today is one of the longest Masses of the year, and it's one of the hard ones. Sure it seems like it's all the rejoicing like in the video above...but no we also have to read the long reading of when it all turns and Christ is taken to Pilate, and in the liturgy we respond, "Crucify him!" again and again.
I HATE that.
It makes me cringe.
It hurts and makes me wince.
I often want to stand silent, thinking, "No. I won't. I can't say that."
But of course, I do, darn near every day in my selfish thoughtless words and snapping temper.
So, sure I could stand there and be silent today.....but oh, what a hypocrite.
And since I'm already that already too.....I will quietly, achingly whisper, "Crucify him" and try not to cry.

For more, ever so much better stuff on Palm Sunday, go here and here and, always, go here. anytime!

** Note: Palm Sunday Mass with toddlers means you don't actually hear all the readings because you are juggling small boys who are playing swords with the palms that are given out. Long Mass, somber readings (Mark 14:1-15: 47), (Psalm 22), crowded pews, and toys, erk, palms...equals chaotic Mass!**

C'mon Rain

Georgia O'Keefe, Horses Skull on Blue, 1030

It's lent.  The last full week of lent, actually.
Maybe that's why its so hard.
Its quiet.
  Slow.  Heavy.  Parched.
  These last days.
They are a dust of indigo.
A hollow.... of what?
A mere funk?
Something more?
Maybe, but not what we might think.
Not permanent or medical.
Spiritual.
I think it is a hollow.

I am fallow.

I am, viscerally, waiting.
And my body and soul senses it; even before my intellect can process and analyze it.
I turn in when the quiet comes to the house.
And its good, that, but its hard. It brings unbidden sadness and constriction.
The gifts of busy with my clanging days offset this, and force me to see this flip side of the hard fallow time now.
The call to put that hollow hard into service, to serve, to draw myself bodily out of my head and heart by tangibly touching serving setting out to others.
My children call me back out; my husband looks over the car at me, with squinting eyes, gauging it all.
Considering.
He calls me during the quiet of the day.
I tell him it is just this time, this fallow hardness of lent.
It is here and I feel it.
And I don't want to, not really.
But I think I must and really, maybe I do want that still indigo dust.
Because its the desert.
Its dry.
I thirst.
So does He.
Ah, now I get it; I understand a glimmer bit more.
Lent.
Its dry. Hard.
Desert fallow,
an open mouth waiting for the life giving rain.
But...
Easter - around the corner.
The smell of drops on the air, days off, faint. 
C’mon rain.

Louisa McElwain, Desert Rain God, Oil on Canvas, 54" x 72 "

No Wiping!

Vanitas.
Today is all about this, it's Ash Wednesday.
The saying, "Vanitas, all is vanitas, " is the theme of the day on so many levels.
As the priest smudges the ashes (Last year's blessed palms from Palm Sunday) on your forehead, he says "Remember you are dust, and to dust you shall return."
So, if that doesn't get ya thinking about your mortality, I don't know what will.
It's a somber Mass.
A somber day, of fasting and penance.
It's supposed to be.
Because today marks the start of lent, a penitential season, where we work to strip away the things that hinder us from walking closer to God.  We are given six weeks, forty days, to try and try again, to detach from things that hook us in and keep us looking at ourselves: our vanities.

It's the ultimate vanity, that constant head swivel back to us (ok, sigh, me), our looks, our wants, our desires comforts distractions.  We/I all do it, all the time.  We are practically programed to do so, but the Church in her wisdom gives us an entire season to work on this.  No, not to try to lose those last ten pounds, or finally quit smoking, but rather to shed some of the thorny tangles that that keep us mired in the brier patch of ourselves.  Those stickery snags that keep us from walking forward a step or two into holiness or just a step or two closer to God and his perfect will for us.

It takes the whole season to even go a step or two I think, or at least, it does for me.  Because I botch it up, every year.  I've even learned to not set my sights too high, for the fall from afar is so discouraging that it's then a temptation to just ditch it.  Just like those ever failed New Year's resolutions.  (I don't do those either, anymore). 
 **To that end, I'd like to point out that a mere TWO hours into this Lenten season I'd already stepped on a landmine and blown up: mom fail. 

Kinda made me feel like I might as well draw a hot bath, mix a lemon drop martini, grab a box of chocolate and surf facebook......and it was only seven a.m.!!

Yeah, so, I was in dire need of Mass....nothing like starting Lent on a stubbed toe and deflated humbled heart.  Perhaps, though, just precisely what I needed, doh.

But, I digress.  That was my Lenten PSA so that you all can feel more hopeful about your Lenten observances.  You're welcome. **
But Lent is not a New Year's resolution, except that it IS the lead up to the New Liturgical Year (starts with Easter Morning).  And it is a kind of pruning to help us spring forth into the new year in better shape, spiritually.

So, today we get to say it out loud.
Or, wear it out loud.
Wear it, all day long.
It's a pain, really, these ashes.
As I mentioned, it's a solemn day.  I'm hungry.  I'm terrible at fasting, I want to whine (and I tend to, no surprise to you I"m sure). 
The ashes, they itch and smudge further and further as the day goes on, often ending up sliding down my cheek a bit or onto the tip of my nose. 
All day, clerks at the store or the drive through of Starbucks will look at you twice and say, "Um, you've got a little something..." and wave their hands around their face and then towards yours. 
Here in the south, I get that more than other parts of the country, where the Catholic ratio is higher.  But even so, I nod and say, "I know.  Ash Wednesday." And then,  usually they blink at me, look away, "Oh."
It's really really tempting to wipe them off.  Or to kind of wipe them off "by mistake" as you fix  your hair or scratch an itch.  Who wants to feel like a dork?
But it's an act of will not to wipe, and that's really the whole point.

Ash Wednesday is not only for Catholics, nor, of course, is lent.
It's for any and all of us.
As hard as it is, it's one of my favorite seasons.  Maybe that's because I am a task oriented gal; but that is precisely what usually trips me up during this season.  
Very easy to fall into the trap of being too legalistic...which is, of course, pride.  Sigh.

I think I like it because my heart really does yearn to grow in holiness, yearns to love better and fuller and the only way I can do that, I know deep inside my soul, is to grow closer to Christ.  And Lent has me on the path - if only for a step or two.
So, I'm tiptoeing to Easter.

I've got my ashes on today and I'm yearning to snack...but I know that is my physical reminder of  my hunger for more in this world and in my stony heart.
 Ashes.
They itch.
They bug me.
But I'm wearing them.
No wiping.

The Stations of the Resurrection--Fourteenth Station--The Holy Spirit Descends at Pentecost

("Pentecost," quilt by Linda Schmidt)

The Fourteenth Station--The Holy Spirit Descends at Pentecost

Leader: O Risen Christ, Light of the world, we adore you;
People: God's plan for the disciples was made known in tongues of fire.

As the disciples pondered what God had in store for them next, they were more than likely not prepared for quite so dramatic an answer. As they were together in one place, a noise started to build--a rush of wind. Some of them must have looked up--was a storm brewing? There had been no distant noise of wind, no stillness before the storm, as one would expect.

Suddenly, the entire house was filled with the roaring noise of wind, as if a tornado had burst into the house--but instead of everything in the house blowing around, tongues of fire sprang from the air and landed on each of them. Many of them jumped, thinking they themselves were on fire, but the flames could not be patted or smothered out, and they did not wipe off. What was happening?

Certainly they were also noticing these tongues of fire on each other. Perhaps the one who spoke first looked at another and said, "Hey, you're on fire!" But his utterance didn't come out in Aramaic; it came out in some other language. Yet both the speaker and the listener understood each other. They must have all tried speaking after that--did each of them suddenly have this gift? As it turns out, they did, and the room must have been a marvelous hubbub of many languages and smiling faces as their bewilderment and fear turned to amazement.

Not only was the Holy Spirit in the room, she had distributed herself to each of the disciples. Suddenly, Jesus' having left them was not so worrisome, because it was apparent that they would not simply have to "soldier on without him." A power bigger than themselves would accompany them, and they would not be doing this alone.

Leader: God distributed his Holy Spirit among all the disciples;
People: Just as God has distributed the Holy Spirit among each of us.

Leader: Let us pray.
(a brief period of silence is observed.)

God of power and might,
sometimes we long for your small still voice,
but instead, you answer us in the rush of a whirlwind.
You distribute among each of us gifts and talents,
skills that land on us like tongues of fire,
that we cannot brush off, no matter how hard we try.
Give us a sense of awe about them and speak to them
instead of stomping around trying to extinguish them.
When we see your gifts that you have distributed to others,
open our mouths to praise them, no matter what language we use,
with the trust that our words are capable of being understood.

People: Amen.

Leader: Alleluia! Christ is risen!
People: The Lord is risen indeed. Alleluia!

Concluding prayers:

Leader: Lord Jesus Christ, you rose again, conquering sin and death;
People: Empower us to be messengers of your light and glory.

Leader: We thank you, Lord God Almighty, for the miracles of Easter--stories of resurrection, recognition of your power, and the realization of the Incarnation of your Son that resides in each of us.

Remind us that we truly are an Easter people--that in each of our life chapters of exodus, exile, and repentance, resides a resurrection and a restoration.

When we feel the wind of your Holy Spirit, persuade us to merely hold out our hand and catch what your divine wind blows into it, to close our hand and hold it close, ingest it, and continue to spread it throughout the world. Make every day of our lives a Pentecost, to hear your word and speak it in many languages--the language of our willing hands, the language of our actions, and the language of a humble heart.

We ask these things of you in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, who lives and reigns with you and the Holy Spirit, forever and ever,

People: Amen.

Leader: This concludes our Stations of the Resurrection. Let us go in peace to love and serve the Lord.
People: Thanks be to God.

The Stations of the Resurrection--Thirteenth Station--Mary and the Disciples Wait in Prayer

("Pentecost," by Sadao Watanabe)

The Thirteenth Station--Mary and the Disciples Wait in Prayer

Leader: O Risen Christ, Light of the world, we adore you;
People: Your mother and the eleven waited, but they were not sure why.

The disciples still could not wrap their brains around what just had happened. Jesus was gone again, but this time there was hope. Not knowing what else to do, they returned to Jerusalem, to the upper room, with Mary, and Jesus' brothers, and prayed--and waited--and prayed some more--and waited some more.

What did this all mean? What were they to do? Where were they to go? All eyes in the room looked at Mary. She was the closest thing they had to Jesus now. Mary looked back at them, trying to hold her composure, trying to appear steady for them. She had no idea what to tell them. She again thought back to that day the angel had announced that she was with child, and told her about Jesus. She knew this was finally all coming true. But what was she to tell the disciples? She had not received any special signs. But she knew the most important thing she could do right now is be their mother. She could not be Jesus, but she could be their mother, the mother of Jesus, and what these men needed most was a calm, unfluttered mother in the room.

Mary sat, and she prayed. She thanked God for the gift of her son. She asked God to speak to all in the room. She asked God to simply reveal his will. She had no worries about these sorts of things, she'd been in this territory before. But her heart ached for these young men. She could feel the yearning they had to follow Jesus in a way they knew he would be pleased. She could not speak for her son--but she could pray for his work to go forward in the disciples.

Once in a while she would peek at them during her prayers, and she breathed a sigh of relief. They did not appear anxious. They were earnestly prayerful, but not anxious, or fighting, or high-strung. Mary could not know exactly what was going to happen, but she knew something was in the air, in that age-old maternal way that mothers "just know."

Leader: Mary and the disciples sat, waited, and prayed;
People: They were unsure, but they were not fearful; hope filled the air.

Leader: Let us pray.
(a brief period of silence is observed.)

Ever-patient God,
we thank you for that wonderous mixture
of Incarnation and humanity within us,
but sometimes we don't know what to do with it.
Teach us to wait and listen.
Patience is not a natural state for us,
but we desire to do your will.
When we are unsure,
comfort us to the place where we can sit still and pray.
Calm us enough to simply attune the ear of our hearts to you.
Let us look up in our apprehension
and see your Son's Blessed Mother,
a calm and consoling parent to our souls.

People: Amen.

Leader: Alleluia! Christ is risen!
People: The Lord is risen indeed. Alleluia!

The Stations of the Resurrection--Twelfth Station--The Ascension of Jesus

("The Ascension of Christ," by Salvador Dali)

The Twelfth Station--The Ascension of Jesus

Leader: O Risen Christ, Light of the world, we adore you;
People: You left our mortal coil again, but this time, in glory.

The disciples knew, as they stood there on the mountain with Jesus, that something was about to change. It brought an electric sense of excitement to the group, but it was excitement tinged with fear. Was he going to leave to create new bands of disciples? Was he going to give each of them God-like powers? What would be the chain of command among those who remained? Peter had been given a specific charge, but what about the rest of them? Certainly Jesus would explain this to them.

As they were rolling these thoughts around in their heads, suddenly a cloud appeared, and when the cloud was out of sight, so was Jesus. Instead, two men in white robes had appeared. Were they angels? "Men of Galilee," they told them, "Why do you stand looking up toward heaven? This Jesus, who had been taken up from you into heaven, will come in the same way as you saw him go into heaven."

Jesus had left them, with no further instructions. They were to figure it out on their own. But this time he had left them in glory, rather than through an indignant death. He had left them in the hope of new life rather than the darkness of death.

Leader: The cloud took Jesus from the disciples,
People: But the disciples were not abandoned; God's holy presence remained.

Leader: Let us pray.
(a brief period of silence is observed.)

Mysterious God,
Just as the disciples were left with the presence of angels,
we are left in our daily walk not with your physical Son,
but with his presence and your presence.
We are also left with your trust--trust that we,
using our hearts and minds, can discern your will and your desires for us.
Sharpen our skills to sense your presence within us
and to willingly be led by it.
Help us to feel the glimmer of your Incarnation
when we find ourselves walking in places
that we would never take ourselves on our own.
Show us the angels in our midst.

People: Amen.

Leader: Alleluia! Christ is risen!
People: The Lord is risen indeed. Alleluia!

The Stations of the Resurrection--Eleventh Station--Jesus Commissions the Disciples Upon the Mountain

(Icon by Andrej Rublëv, 1408)

The Eleventh Station--Jesus Commissions the Disciples Upon the Mountain

Leader: O Risen Christ, Light of the world, we adore you;
People: You told the eleven to make disciples of all nations.

Jesus took the eleven to the mountaintop and told them, "All authority in heaven and earth has been given to me. Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything that I have commanded you. And remember I am with you always, to the end of the age."

Not everyone heard the message fully in their hearts. The passage says that "When they saw him, they worshiped him, but some doubted." We are not given a glimpse at which disciples doubted, but it's important to note that "they worshiped him anyway." They somehow were able not to let their doubts get in the way of believing in the reality of the risen Jesus.

Mixed emotions must have run high in the group that day. It probably wasn't hard to scan the faces of the group and see who was more pious, who was more doubtful, who was more attuned to a new state of being, and who was more apprehensive. The ones with doubts must have looked at the ones with stronger belief and thought, "What do those guys have what I don't? Or have they lost their mind?" The ones more committed to Jesus' message must have looked at the doubters, and thought, "What's wrong with you? Why don't you just do what Jesus says?" Perhaps they looked at each other and wondered how in the world they were going to stay together if Jesus was not around. He was sort of hinting he was going elsewhere. Why would he say, "I am with you always," if he wasn't planning to leave? Many of the disciples felt a gnawing in their gut that something was about to change, and it was a fearful gnawing. But it seemed important, somehow, that part of this was that they were to continue to worship Jesus together.

Leader: Jesus told the disciples he would be with them always,
People: And the disciples pondered the full meaning of his message.

Leader: Let us pray.
(a brief period of silence is observed.)

Ever-present and living God,
your disciples worshiped together even they were not all of one mind
or one accord.
They could not totally understand each other's feelings,
but they somehow knew that worshiping Jesus together
was bigger than their individual differences.
Empower us each time we are called to worship
to put aside what separates each of us from the other,
and to trust in the power of a holy meal in shared sacred space,
to build bridges between us.
Turn our heads to fix our eyes upon your Son
instead of examining each other.

People: Amen.

Leader: Alleluia! Christ is risen!
People: The Lord is risen indeed. Alleluia!

The Stations of the Resurrection--Tenth Station--Jesus Forgives Peter and Commands him to Feed His Sheep

("Jesus' Charge to Peter," stained glass window, St. Edith Church, Bishop Wilton, photo by Roger Walton)

The Tenth Station--Jesus Forgives Peter and Commands him to Feed His Sheep

Leader: O Risen Christ, Light of the world, we adore you;
People: You forgave Peter and called him to greater things.

As Peter stayed in the periphery of the group, his heart ached and his mind was going back and forth. He wanted to be in the middle of it all and be his boisterous self. But his mind kept replaying the three times he had denied Jesus, the times he hid in the shadows, the times he feared for his own life instead of sticking up for Jesus. Loyalty was important to Peter, and he struggled with his own feelings of disloyalty to Jesus and to himself.

Jesus had noticed that Peter had been strangely quiet and a little distant. Sometimes he would notice Peter sitting at the far edge with that look of a person wanting to say something, wanting to express joy, but being "held back." He came up to Peter, put his hands on both his shoulders, looked him square in the eye, and said, "Simon, son of John, do you love me more than these?"

Peter dropped his eyes obediently, partly because he started feeling tears well up in them. "Yes, Lord; you know that I love you."

"Then feed my lambs," Jesus replied. He took a hand and placed it under Peter's chin, so their eyes met, and cocked his head forward with a serious look. "Simon, son of John, do you love me?"

Now Peter could not hold back his tears. He felt exposed and embarrassed that Jesus was calling attention to him in front of the others. He shook his head up and down emphatically. He didn't dare look anywhere except Jesus' face. He didn't want to see the looks of the others bearing down on him. "Yes, Lord; you know that I love you."

As Jesus let Peter's hot tears of embarrassment fall on his hand, he replied, "Tend my sheep." Then he placed both hands square on Peter's shoulders and for a third time asked, "Simon, son of John, do you love me?"

For a few moments, Peter said nothing and his chest heaved with each breath. Didn't Jesus get it? Didn't he understand how hard it was for him to answer when his own heart felt broken by his own feelings of betrayal? That he had denied him and hidden from the truth of who he was as one of his disciples, and now he was being put on the spot? The words came out this time in an explosive, painful sob. "Lord, you know everything; YOU KNOW THAT I LOVE YOU."

A huge smile crossed Jesus' face and Peter breathed a sigh of relief as Jesus squeezed his shoulders and nodded at him. "Then feed my sheep."

Peter's frustrated look also turned into a big grin. What he thought Jesus "wasn't getting," Peter realized HE was finally "getting it." Jesus was telling to stop worrying about what feelings were between THEM, but to pay that love for him forward.

Leader: Peter told Jesus that he loved him three times,
People: And his three denials no longer mattered.

Leader: Let us pray.
(a brief period of silence is observed.)

Dearest Lord, you know everything there is to know about us,
yet sometimes we act like we are afraid you will see us at our worst.
We act like that recognition of us is a big surprise to you,
and will somehow separate us from you.
We know we are human,
yet think we can live up to the reputation of a deity.
In those moments, dear Lord,
call us out of the shadows,
Put your hands on our shoulders,
and remind us you only wish for us to say we love you
and embody the love of your Son in the world.

People: Amen.

Leader: Alleluia! Christ is risen!
People: The Lord is risen indeed. Alleluia!

The Stations of the Resurrection--Ninth Station--Jesus Appears by the Sea of Tiberias

("Christ at the Sea of Galilee," by Jacopo Robusti Tintoretto)

The Ninth Station--Jesus Appears by the Sea of Tiberias

Leader: O Risen Christ, Light of the world, we adore you;
People: You provided bounty for the disciples when none was expected.

Simon Peter sat and pondered all these events. The last few weeks had felt like a crazy dream. It was all so confusing. His emotions had been torn every which way, from fear to guilt to amazement. He knew he should feel joyful about seeing Jesus again--but it seemed all it did was stir up his own shame and guilt for denying Jesus three times. He needed some space to just think it all over.

He looked over at some of the disciples. "This all seems confusing, but I know what I need to do to sort it all out. I don't know about you all, but boys, I'm going fishing. Who wants to come?" Some of them thought that was a great idea. They could go out in the boat and just relax and be with each other but be involved more with the task.

As they were out there in the boat, Peter thought about how comforting it felt to simply be doing what he used to do before all this "disciple stuff" came about in his life. He didn't really care that he wasn't having a good day in terms of their catch. He peeled off his clothes and just enjoyed the dawning sun warming his naked skin.

Someone on the beach was calling to them. "Children, you have no fish, have you? Then cast your nets on the right side of the boat." They did, and suddenly they had more fish than they could manage. As the morning light grew, they recognized the man on the beach was Jesus. Suddenly, Peter became embarrassed again, threw on his robe and jumped into the sea.

Jesus called for them to bring their catch back to shore. The disciples coaxed Peter back into the boat, and they returned to shore with their huge haul of fish. As they cooked and ate them on the beach, Peter was unusually quiet, and hanging in the background. He was glad to be there. He was glad to be with Jesus. But he just wasn't entirely sure how to feel the full joy of Christ's presence, because he was not yet glad to be with himself.

Leader: When Jesus called for the disciples to return,
People: Peter still obeyed, despite his apprehension.

Leader: Let us pray.
(a brief period of silence is observed.)

O God, author of the universe, provider of all things,
you place abundant bounty before us when we neither asked for it nor expected it.
Sometimes we are so inwardly focused on our own flaws
that we feel we are unworthy of such bounty
and feel too guilty to experience joy.
Embolden us to simply follow your call obediently
when we feel that way.
Meet us where we are, trepidation and all,
and help us to feel the safety that resides in your Son's presence
that can eventually overpower our discomfort.

People: Amen.

Leader: Alleluia! Christ is risen!
People: The Lord is risen indeed. Alleluia!

The Stations of the Resurrection--Eighth Station--Jesus Strengthens the Faith of Thomas

("The Incredulity of Thomas," by Michelangelo Merisi da Carvaggio)

The Eighth Station--Jesus Strengthens the Faith of Thomas

Leader: O Risen Christ, Light of the world, we adore you;
People: You allowed Thomas to believe in the way he understood best.

Thomas had been absent from the other disciples when Jesus had breathed the Holy Spirit upon them. When they told him of their encounter with Jesus, Thomas just glared at them and did not say anything for a long time. He had no doubt his companions had experienced something--but wondered if their desire and wishes to see Jesus again had not clouded reality for them. Perhaps they had met someone who reminded them of Jesus and they wished it so. Perhaps someone had played a cruel trick on them. Perhaps they were so grief-stricken they were having delusions.

Thomas was still grieving terribly himself. He simply did not want to hurt any more than he was hurting already. He didn't want to hear these stories--it did not make his own pain any better. So finally, he growled back, "You know what? I don't want to disagree with you, but I just can't buy it, as much as I love and believe in you. I won't believe it until I see it--and I'd have to feel the nail marks and the hole in his side myself before I could even begin to believe it."

A week later, the disciples were again behind closed doors and Thomas was among them. Suddenly, Jesus was again in their midst! "Peace be with you," repeated Jesus. He looked squarely at Thomas, holding out his hands. "Thomas, put your finger here and see my hands. Reach out your hand and put it in my side. Do not doubt, but believe."

The Gospel of John doesn't say whether Thomas actually did touch Jesus--that is left up to our imaginations--but whatever did happen caused Thomas to exclaim, "My Lord and my God!" What is clear, though, is that Jesus understood exactly what it took to come to Thomas on his own terms--and he was perfectly willing to do that.

Leader: Jesus came to Thomas to the way of his own understanding,
People: Just as Christ can come to us in the way of our own understanding.

Leader: Let us pray.
(a brief period of silence is observed.)

Lord God, perceiver of all things,
Sometimes it hurts too much to simply accept and believe your truth.
Sometimes when our worries and fears overtake us,
the gentle touch of your loving hand sears our flesh like acid.
It becomes easier to doubt than to believe.
Remind us in those moments
that we are loved by a Son with nail holes in his own hands
and a gash in his side, a Son who cries and bleeds,
and will not ask anything of us in our pain
but to simply touch his own wounds and feel one with them.

People: Amen.

Leader: Alleluia! Christ is risen!
People: The Lord is risen indeed. Alleluia!

The Stations of the Resurrection--Seventh Station--Jesus Gives his Disciples his Peace and the Power to Forgive Sins

("Jesus Breathes His Spirit Upon the Disciples," by Hanna Cheriyan Varghese)

The Seventh Station--Jesus Gives his Disciples his Peace and the Power to Forgive Sins

Leader: O Risen Christ, Light of the world, we adore you;
People: You breathed your living Spirit upon those who loved you.

The disciples sat in a locked house, discussing a million things with each other, in a slightly more hopeful tone of voice, but things still felt dangerous--so they discussed the events surrounding the Resurrection in a locked house. The rest of the world still seemed pretty uncertain to them.

Suddenly, in the middle of their discussion, Jesus appeared. "Peace be with you," he told them. As he revealed his hands to pull part of his robe aside to show them his wounded side, they recognized him, and as he put his hands out to them to be welcomed they literally rushed towards him in the biggest group hug one can imagine. Even in a locked house, he had come to them. Imagine all the embracing and hair-tousling that probably ensued--and some probably simply held his hand in both of theirs, looked in his face, and cried.

Jesus very likely hung on every embrace, feeling their hearts beat within their chests, hearing them breathe, and feeling their wet tears on his own face. He probably cried a few joyful tears of his own--he SO loved this group. Suddenly, a warm gentle breeze surrounded them, and they felt the breath of the Holy Spirit in each exhale of Christ's breath. Yes, they were still in a locked house, but they began to feel less "locked up" themselves.

Leader: Each time Jesus exhaled, the Holy Spirit wafted across the room,
People: Each time the disciples inhaled, they felt the Holy Spirit within them.

Leader: Let us pray.
(a brief period of silence is observed.)

O living and breathing God,
Sometimes when we are locked within
the prison of our own fears,
we forget that all we have to do is breathe,
to discover you are with us.
We think we have to come up with elaborate ideas
to serve you and do your will,
when all we had to do
is simply inhale what is already in the room.
Remind us, dear Lord,
to simply breathe and recognize your presence in our breath.
As our breath, mixed with yours, leaves our bodies,
teach us to merely follow it where it goes,
leading us to be where we need to be,
in a life led for your Son's glory.

People: Amen.

Leader: Alleluia! Christ is risen!
People: The Lord is risen indeed. Alleluia!

The Stations of the Resurrection--Sixth Station--Jesus Appears to the Disciples in Jerusalem

("Jesus Appears to the Disciples After Resurrection," by Imre Morocz)

The Sixth Station--Jesus Appears to the Disciples in Jerusalem

Leader: O Risen Christ, Light of the world, we adore you;
People: You appeared and ate fish with your disciples.

A lively discussion ensued between the eleven and the disciples who had seen Jesus on the road to Emmaus. All of them had been afraid to tell what had happened to them, until each had admitted their story to the other. What could this mean? It was still hard for them to keep it all straight in their heads. The images of the crucified Jesus, the memories of wrapping him in his burial cloth, were still incredibly fresh, and confusing.

Suddenly, Jesus appeared in the midst of them. All of the conversation suddenly stopped, and all eyes turned towards him. The speechlessness of the disciples threw a heavy silence into the air.

Jesus broke the silence with a loving voice. "Peace be with you," he smiled, as he held out his hands and showed his feet to them, drawing them near with his hands, encouraging them to touch his wounds. "Don't be afraid." One can only imagine their joy as they reached out to him, held his hands, and hugged him. "Do you have anything to eat?" he asked. Someone gave him a piece of broiled fish. Again, all eyes were upon him as he ate it. He was really swallowing it and eating it--he MUST be real! This can't be a dream, a figment of the imagination, they thought. After enjoying the fish, Jesus began teaching them again. It felt like the good days before the crucifixion. The disciples smiled at each other as they listened. It felt too good to be true.

Leader: As Jesus stood before the disciples to teach,
People: They could scarcely believe the moment was real.

Leader: Let us pray.
(a brief period of silence is observed.)

Almighty God,
we read your words, we attend worship, we speak your name,
but what we really crave is your true Presence
and the true Presence of your Son.
Enable us to see Christ's true face,
his wounded hands and feet,
and his resurrected body.
Help us to feel his true presence in us
during those times we partake of his body and blood.
Create in us his real Presence--
as real as the fish he ate in front of the disciples,
and renew us in our own resurrections.

People: Amen.

Leader: Alleluia! Christ is risen!
People: The Lord is risen indeed. Alleluia!

The Stations of the Resurrection--Fourth Station--Jesus Appears on the Road to Emmaus

("The risen Christ appears to pilgrims on the road to Emmaus," one of a series of 26 mosaic panels illustrating the life of Christ in Sant'Apollinare Nuovo, Ravenna)

The Fourth Station--Jesus Appears on the Road to Emmaus

Leader: O Risen Christ, Light of the world, we adore you;
People: You opened the eyes of the disciples on the road to Emmaus.

Two of the disciples were walking towards the village of Emmaus, discussing the events of the past few days. They wanted to talk about something else, but no matter how hard they tried to change the conversation, the topic always rolled around to the last few days of Jesus. They were so wound up in the details of it, and their fear, that they did not even recognize that the man they had met on the road was Jesus himself. In fact, they thought for a little while that he might have been the only person around who hadn't heard of Jesus!

But as they conversed, their eyes became more open, and so did their heart. They began to hear what he was teaching them about the risen Christ, and their confusion turned to certainty. There was something about this man that they recognized, but they could not quite put their finger on why that was. All the same, they listened and began to understand.

Leader: As the disciples talked to Jesus on the roadside,
People: Their conversation led to understanding.

Leader: Let us pray.
(a brief period of silence is observed.)

O God, translator of all things,
So often we do not understand the fullness of your glory.
But as we begin to talk to you, we start to understand.
As we start to understand, it is only then that you can teach us.
Give us courage to start the conversations,
Even if we don't have the story straight.
Open our ears to hear your words,
and open our minds to understand them.

People: Amen.

Leader: Alleluia! Christ is risen!
People: The Lord is risen indeed. Alleluia!

The Stations of the Resurrection--Third Station--Mary Magdalene Meets the Risen Jesus

("The Risen Lord Appears to Mary Magdalene," stained glass window at Islip's church of St Nicholas, taken by Flickr's Lawrence OP)

The Third Station--Mary Magdalene Meets the Risen Jesus

Leader: O Risen Christ, Light of the world, we adore you;
People: You called Mary Magdalene by name and she recognized you.

Suddenly, the weight of the fact Christ's body was missing from the tomb hit Mary Magdalene like a sledgehammer. First Jesus had been taken away from her by crucifixion. Now his body was nowhere to be found. Who could be so cruel, as to steal the body? She felt as empty inside as the tomb she viewed, and began to sob openly, tears falling down her face in great rolls and wetting the collar of her robe. She didn't care there was a growing crowd by now. She didn't care about one single thing going on around her. All she knew was Jesus was gone, in a way worse than she could ever imagine. Before today, she at least had the comfort of knowing where his body lay. Now she had absolutely nothing left to remind her of Jesus.

She looked up, and in the tomb were two men in white. They reminded her of the man she saw earlier. "Why do you weep?" they asked her. Their question angered Mary Magdalene. "How stupid were they?" she thought. "Because they've taken my Lord away and I don't know where he is!" she spat out between her sobs. She couldn't take it anymore. This was just all too much to take in. So she turned and headed away from the tomb, still wailing and sobbing as hard as she could.

As she was walking away, a man stopped her. She could scarcely make him out, the tears clouded her eyes so. "Why do you weep?" the man asked her. "Who are you looking for?"

Mary Magdalene, thinking this man was the gardener, said, "Sir, PLEASE. If you carried him away, just tell me where he is, and I will take care of his body." The man looked at her warmly. "Mary," he whispered.

Suddenly she recognized the voice--it was Jesus! Suddenly, she was embarrassed that she had mistaken Jesus for the gardener. "Rabbouni!" she called out, and put out her arms to hug him. But Jesus took a step back and said, "Do not hold on to me, because I have not yet ascended to the father. But go tell the rest, and tell them that I will be ascending to the Father."

Her tears suddenly stopped and a broad joyful smile crossed her face as she ran back to the disciples. He had been raised from the dead, just as Lazarus had been raised from the dead. Who would believe it?

Leader: When Jesus called Mary Magdalene by name,
People: Her weeping turned to joy.

Leader: Let us pray.
(a brief period of silence is observed.)

All powerful and ever-living God,
When you called Mary Magdalene by name,
she recognized the voice as yours alone.
Open our ears so that when you call us by name,
we know that it is your voice, just as the sheep
know the voice of their shepherd.
Let the sound of your voice have the power
to turn our weeping to singing,
dry our tears,
and turn our mournful cries to shouts of joy.
When we cannot quite reach out and touch your Son,
let the sound of his voice comfort us and lead us forward.

People: Amen.

Leader: Alleluia! Christ is risen!
People: The Lord is risen indeed. Alleluia!

The Stations of the Resurrection--Second Station--The Disciples Find the Tomb Empty

("The Empty Tomb" by Jesus Martinez Gordo)

The Second Station--The Disciples Find the Tomb Empty

Leader: O Risen Christ, Light of the world, we adore you;
People: The disciples looked in the tomb, and saw and believed.

Mary Magdalene could scarcely catch her breath as she told Peter and the beloved disciple what she had seen. As they heard her story, they looked at each other incredulously. Was she so grief-stricken she was delirious? "This can't possibly be," they told her. The tomb was guarded. No one could have stolen the body. At this point, they could not imagine anything beyond "stolen."

"Come," Peter told Mary. "Let's go back there and you will see our Lord still rests there. The guards would not have let him be stolen."

When they all arrived back at the tomb, a large crowd was already there. More soldiers had arrived to keep order. People huddled at the mouth of the tomb but would not go in. The beloved disciple said to Peter, "Look! His burial linens are there, but he has disappeared!" Finally Peter burst through the crowd and into the tomb. "He's gone!" he exclaimed, but only after he had grabbed up the burial linens and held them in his own hands.

Leader: As the disciples looked out from the inside of the tomb;
People: They feared that their Lord's body had been stolen.

Leader: Let us pray.
(a brief period of silence is observed.)

Everlasting God,
Sometimes we cannot believe your works until we see for ourselves,
and even then, we try to rationalize it.
Teach us to fully believe in your mighty power
even when it seems distant from us.
Remind us of your continuous presence,
and that you alone have the power to conquer sin and death.
Keep our eyes ever looking forward, turning to the light, and life,
Rather than remaining in the darkness of our own fears.

People: Amen.

Leader: Alleluia! Christ is risen!
People: The Lord is risen indeed. Alleluia!